We've all heard the saying "Comparison is the thief of joy." I personally can attest to the accuracy of that statement. I've always struggled with comparing myself to others. I suppose we all do. But it got much worse after having Owen. I find that I compare myself to other mothers on a daily basis, specifically stay-at-home-moms. It's no secret that I am jealous of SAHM's, I will openly admit that. Of course my heart is at home with my baby boy...of course that's where I'd rather be. And, some would say (and have said), "If it's important to you you'll find a way," or "babies don't need anything but your time and love!" Actually, babies do enjoy eating just as much, if not more, than we do. My son is pretty demanding when it comes to his food. He also enjoys clothes and diapers. I could go into the cloth diapering and second hand clothes argument, but that's a whole separate blog. Short version is, no matter what you do, babies aren't cheap.
I have struggled with leaving my son since my first day back to work. I spent the majority of my maternity leave crunching numbers trying to find that hidden secret to being able to stay home. I still can't find it. We are blessed enough that my mom is able to keep O while we work. I can't even imagine how hard it would be if I had to leave him at daycare for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week! Everyone said it would get easier. It hasn't. O is almost 7 months old now (say WHAAA???) and I still have days, sometimes weeks, where I cry on the way into work or at random times throughout the day because I literally don't think I can make it all day away from him. It hurts my heart! On a good day, I'll get MAYBE 2 hours with him, and that includes feeding, changing, and bathing him. Some days I get less than that if he's extra tired.
As if being away from him so much isn't hard enough as it is, I am constantly reminded, whether it be through radio advertisements, social media, or whatever, of everything I'm missing out on. Mommy play groups, library story time, leisurely walks around the neighborhood in the mornings, weekday trips to the park or zoo, fun Summer activities, reading books to him, feeding him more than 1 meal per day, and seeing him do so many things for the first time that he inevitably does at my mom's house. That's just some of what we working moms miss out on. It seems as though all kid friendly activities cater to SAHM's. Practically everything takes place on Tuesday at 10am.
The whole point of this post is that I find myself spending so much time trying to do more to make up for having to work, that I end up missing out on even more it seems. Sometimes I have a hard time thoroughly enjoying him and living in that moment because I'm focused on trying to fit a week's worth of love and attention into 2 days, which also include my housework and laundry. Surely I'm not the only one who struggles with this!
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job. I like what I do and I love my coworkers. And I am certainly not saying that SAHM's have it easy! But it is very clear to me that comparing ourselves to others, whether as mothers, wives, friends, employees, Christians, or from a financial standpoint, really does steal our joy.
I have to constantly tell myself, sometimes out loud, that I AM a good mom. I love my son. He knows he's loved. And he loves me! I have to remind myself WHY I work, and the positive things he can take away from having a working mom.
I'm not sure that I will ever fully accept that I have to work. All I know is that for the time being, I just have to learn to make the most of the time I do have with my baby.
No comments:
Post a Comment